RING! RING! "HOW ARE YOU?"

"Oh yeah, before we hang up . . . how are you?"

Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by a phone call and half way through you realize that it really isn't a call meant to catch up on a friendship, or to check on the status of upcoming holiday plans, or even to see how your health is?  Half way through the conversation you suddenly realize that you are being "pumped" for information about what someone said about someone else, about a certain situation, or even about trying to elicit confidences they believe were placed in your care.

This is not a call about you, the inquirer and your relationship. It is simply a deceptive way of trying to get information without being honest and up-front about the caller's ulterior motive.  It is not about you, or even them . . . but about information that once it passes from your mouth into their ear and then out again becomes "gossip."

So . . . what do you do?  How do you handle it at that moment when you realize that this "friendly" conversation is just a ploy for information? Why don't they come right and say "I was talking to so-in-so and he said such-in-such. Have you heard anything about it?" Why is it always such a secret to find out what you know without just coming out and asking?

At the very moment you realize that the caller cares not one iota about your health, the holidays, or catching up on what you've been doing lately, should you say something?  "Oh, that's why you called me. You're really not interested in who I am or what I've been up to. You just want to know what I know. Well, I try to not pass on information that has been provided to me in confidence so it can become gossip."  

Should I do that? At the risk of creating a chasm in an already shaky relationship? Is the answer different if it is a friend or a family member?  How do you handle those situations?